The Story of Me or The Story I tell me?

Alright, I need to admit what brought me to write about this topic. I was watching a Tony Robbins video and was listening to how he described how we generate the narrative of ourselves. Go ahead, judge away….maybe even start to create a story of me! haha (see what I did there. Yeah, I know I’m better than that.) Ok, sooooo, moving on then. What brought me to that video was years of engaging in storytelling. Having some background in theatre, I’ve been a part of an ensemble that has offered story/ allegory for public entertainment consumption. Let’s do a quick exercise (no not that kind, no need to move out of your seat or what you’re already doing). Think of the kinds of TV shows, movies, books, social media posts, shorts/videos you consume. I say consume because those are all feeding your mental diet, your reality diet. What I consume as media is informing how I interpret, digest, represent my current perspective; whether we believe it or not, it truly does. Think about the last show or media that you got lost in, that you found yourself completely immersed in the story. Or think about the show or media that you repeatedly come back to: what is it about that particular story that draws you in?; what is it about the characters in that show that make it soooo revisitable?; what comfort do you draw from the story told in that particular show/media? I’m curious how much that show, how often returning to it, continues to shape our view of our current world, of our current belief system? How any piece of media we interact with, consume affects our interpretation of ourselves? Of our immediate surroundings? Of our relationships?

Not gonna lie, I’ve been mulling this over for quite some time. Mulling over what story does to any one of us. Reflecting on the power story has in our everyday lives, in our belief system of our entire reality. As I’ve continued to ponder what story means, I can’t help but wonder at how we internalize storytelling. I’ve been more and more intrigued with how we make it, why it serves us, what purpose it holds in the larger narrative, the larger collective at play. Story is such a unique and personalized component of our lives. Each of us, EVERY single one of us is simultaneously drafting, editing, honing, confirming, reinforcing the story we have of ourselves. That inner voice we all listen to, give our perspective over to, is there to craft the most intricate, enmeshed, involved story we can come up for ourselves. All to answer that ‘why’: why is any of this shit happening to me? Why do I have to go through, experience, be a part of any of this shit going on around me? We are all meaning makers, we all strive to know the meaning of anything we experience. We all look at something and wonder to some degree: what has that to do with me? Making meaning of interactions is something I’ve grown to understand is a necessary process that our brains do. Automatically. So, whether you are rife with existential concerns or not, every one of us has a brain that NEEDS to make meaning. Our brains need far more certainty than we would probably be aware of. It’s the reason why we get into patterns. Patterns with anything and everything we experience. I know I’ve walked away from many interactions I’ve had in particular environments stating some sort of categorical statement: yup, happens every time I go to the DMV. This is the reason I avoid crowds. Why do all women say that? Why do all men do that? What’s wrong with him/her/them? Our brains need far more certainty and to achieve more certainty our brain will create some connection to a pre-determined, well-established pattern. To our brain, more certainty equals more safety. The more safe I am, the more likely I’m going to be around tomorrow. And that is our brain’s main objective: navigate all the chaos the outside world holds so that I can wake up tomorrow and still be among the living.

Now, one thing I find to be most inspired is when a client I’m working with asks a version of this question: “If this is my story, then how do I tell it differently?” Now, there’s the rub! How do I even begin to become aware of the story I’m telling myself; or rather have been telling myself (over and over and over and over and over…you get it)?! What do I need to do to step out of my story enough to get a clear idea, notion, understanding of what it is?! Shit, who’s story am I even in?!? So many people I’ve spoken to, worked with have come to the story of themselves based upon an oddly stitched together composite, consolidation, mishmash of several other people’s displaced/projected insecurities/fears/hurt/ pain/trauma. Sometimes we are compelled to go back to those imprinting events that occurred where we started to develop the “story of me”. Sometimes it’s worthwhile to acknowledge some of the “larger” chapters we’ve had in life that are the foundation for all the story we continue to believe about ourselves and who we are in our given reality. So, to curb my waxing philosophical here, I leave you with this: who continues to tell, shape your story of you? What do you continue to believe about you? What continues to be added as reinforcement (aka confirmation bias) into your story you have of you? And how do you truly know if you’re crafting the story of you or simply feeding the ongoing, never-ending story you’ve been telling yourself.

I would encourage you to pick up every page of this story and carry it into a trusted professional’s office. Unpack it, look at it, see the ongoing impact. And then dare yourself to rewrite it.